Welcome to My Life
by GeeWrites
Summary: Bella used to be invisible until the enigmatic Edward Cullen came barrelling into her life. Now Edward's gone and she's left trying to come to terms with life without him, but is he really gone or is she missing something? AH/AU
1. What Can I Say?

_**Chapter 1: What can I say?**_

"_Time, time ticking on me, alone is the last place I wanted to be. Lord, what can I say." –Brandi Carlile_

I used to walk around school like a ghost, no one would notice as I made my way through the crowd. I was the invisible girl. It's strange because, at the time, I would have given anything to have someone really _see _me. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs and yet no one could hear me, or cared to I guess. I miss that now, how sick is that? I miss being invisible. Well, I do. I can't go through a day without the whispers, the taunts, the 'pity' looks, but worst of all I can't go through a day without someone mentioning his name. I've never been the kind of girl to back down or to give up, Charlie made sure of that, but with every day it's getting harder to keep moving forward. Charlie's my dad by the way; he married my mom, Renee, straight out of college. Look how well that turned out. He's also the town's chief of police, yeah, anonymity was pretty much impossible after _they_ found out about that. So, forgive me for saying that being invisible sounds perfect to me right now, but it does.

I'm Bella Swan, I probably should have already said that, right? I'm not very good at this 'talking to people' thing, you know? Renee thinks it'll help to talk to someone about it, about him, I don't think she was envisioning this. Although, I don't see the difference between talking to a goddamn shrink and talking to you guys. At least I don't have to see your disappointed, judgemental faces. I don't have to hear your whispers. I don't even know if anyone is actually reading this, if you are then please feel free to leave at any time. It doesn't get any happier than this, I'm Bella Swan, I'm 17 years old, and I'm a mess. Welcome to my life.

It all started on my sixteenth birthday. It was a Tuesday and I was late, I'm never late but Renee rang and it always takes a while for her to get off the phone. She's not one for taking hints. Anyway, I was on my way out when I realized I'd forgotten my textbook for Biology, Mr Banner would have killed me if I'd turned up without it. Charlie had already left for his 'very important' duties doing whatever the hell he does. I wouldn't know as we've never really spoken about it, although how much can the police chief actually do in a town this small anyway? I digress. We've never really spoken about anything of consequence, not for as long as I can remember anyway. It was only when _he _came around that Charlie had something to say. How ironic, Charlie decided to speak just when I wanted to hide. It seems to be the story of my life; people only become interested in you when they're no longer needed or wanted, whatever, who the hell cares anyway. I'm getting off topic... I was late, so after grabbing my textbook and having a quick look in the mirror, not that anyone would ever notice if my hair was out of place. Despite being invisible I was still a girl, and I still hoped fruitlessly that someone would notice me. Maybe today, this Tuesday, will be the day I'd stop being invisible. If only I had known.

I left for my truck, head down, and hood up; anticipating the ever-present rain before it even began to fall. Living in Forks you tend to get used to it, in fact I'd say my closet pretty much consists of hoodies, sweaters and jeans for that reason. It took a while to get used to at first, especially coming from Florida, but eventually I stopped looking out my window looking for the tell-tale rays of light and resigned myself to a life of rain. Once I was safely in my truck, a red Chevrolet that despite being a bit rusty and old- I loved, I took a deep breath and drove to school. When I finally got there and parked, class had already started, great. I grabbed my book bag and started towards my designated classroom. I was halfway there when I heard a sound; I briefly considered ignoring it and just going on to class. I mean I was late enough as it is. However, before I even knew what I was doing I rounded the corner and started walking towards the source of the noise. There are some days, when I'm feeling particularly low, where I wish I'd just went onto class that morning because what I saw in front of me that day stopped me in my tracks. I found myself frozen in horror; in front of me was a boy, who despite looking in my direction, didn't seem to be able to really _see_ anything. He seemed lost inside his head; I took a moment to soak in his appearance while he stared unseeingly into my eyes.

He looked just a little older than me, his hair a shocking mess of bronze and his eyes a brilliant green, that wasn't what struck me the most at that moment though, he was… he was a mess… a beautiful mess. Even then, despite everything, it was clear that he was strikingly good-looking. Again, I'm getting off track. I had turned to leave to get some help when a sob escaped him, it was the same sound I had heard just a few seconds earlier and something stirred within my heart. I subconsciously took a step closer and that's when I noticed he was shaking, as I took another tentative step in trepidation, I started to see the cuts and marks that scattered his body. I forgot all about Mr Banner, I forgot all about class, I even forgot all about the promise I made to Renee before I left to live with Charlie. I forgot about it all. I knew at that moment that I couldn't leave him there. I had already started to feel queasy because of the blood but then a spark of life started in his green eyes and for the second time that morning I felt something stir within me. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and although he tried to hide it, I knew he was ashamed to have been caught in this position.

If you're still here then thanks I guess. It's been a long night and I know it's only going to get harder as my story goes on so I better leave off for now. I don't think I can delve into it anymore right now anyway. If I'm completely honest I don't really see how this is going to help me move on or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. However, I'm sure you've gathered by now that Renee doesn't take 'no' for an answer. Well that's another day I've survived, I better haul myself off to bed before Charlie comes to check I haven't escaped my room again, oh sorry I mean before he comes to check 'I'm doing okay'. If only he knew that I no longer had any reason to sneak out now _he_ was gone, and I guess in some respects so was I. I'll be back here writing to you guys after school tomorrow. Charlie is staying with Sue Clearwater tomorrow night, yeah that's another story, and so I don't have to worry about grocery shopping. I'll just order in a pizza or something. Hopefully Lauren and Tanya will be too preoccupied by Tyler's new hair cut to bother me at school. I don't know if I can ignore their presumptions for much longer if they don't stop prodding me for answers. I still can't believe heleft me in this mess. That's Edw... That's what _he_ does I guess.

Goodnight.

_**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. There'll be a lot of different memories being explored before we get to the truth of what actually happened, who this boy really is, and how he affected her life, so bear with me. Also, the M rating won't come into play for a while so hang in there ;). We'll also go along with present day Bella as she comes to terms with life with **__**him**__**. The chapters will hopefully increase in length as we go on. Here is a tiny excerpt from the next chapter to keep you going:**_

"_**It's funny how you begin to notice things as time goes on. After I finally mustered the courage to talk to the boy on the floor that day, everything changed."**_

_**Please leave me with your thoughts, thanks, G.**_


	2. Bones

_**Chapter 2 : Bones**_

_"You love like you've always been lonely, that's alright honey, that's alright with me."-Ben Howard_

It's been one of those days where I swear time is just sat there laughing at me. The clocks all seem to go so torturously slowly and yet so much happens. It's like someone suddenly decides that it's time to mix things up a little bit. Let's just drag this day out until Bella snaps, let's see how far we can push her until she breaks. Okay maybe that was a little melodramatic but you get my point. It's just been one of those days. So much for hoping that Tanya and Lauren would be distracted by Tyler's haircut long enough to cut me some slack. It took all of first period for them to get it out of their system, then operation mortify, challenge, and altogether make Bella uncomfortable, is in full swing. To be fair to them they didn't mention _his _name for which I was grateful, it was just the little things today. Wow, I'm now giving them credit for not crippling me emotionally, how sweet of them for deciding against pushing me to breaking point today. They took ample opportunities to remind me that they were still there though, the pushes in the hallways, the laughter in the cafeteria and worst of all the continuous reel of fucking rumors. Apparently the news of the day is that I've been officially diagnosed as 'mentally unstable', I think that's what they said. Although, they're the only people who should be thought of as unstable, alongside their ridiculously small-minded, air-headed, fake-tanned, malicious lives. Yeah, I know, I'm not bitter at all. In all seriousness I don't know why they can't just leave me alone; it's been months since he left. Well 5 months and 6 days to be exact. Wow, that's a long time. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, the familiar ache in my chest is back. It's going to be a long night.

You know, sometimes I wonder if I ever left my mark on him, and whether it was for the best or not. I wonder if he can still feel the memories everywhere he looks, just like I can. I guess sometimes I just wonder if the people, or more accurately the person, I've loved could just turn around and love someone else with the same fierceness, the same desperate yearning, you know? I wonder if he's found someone wherever he's at right now that gives him just as much hope as he gave me... There's this song I've been listening to a lot recently by Ben Howard, it reminds me of _him_. There's a line in it where he sings _"you laugh like I'll be there to hold you always, always honey, always here"_but then I guess time pushes on, and things change. When I listen to that song, I catch myself wishing that maybe our 'always' will come around one day after all, but then reality hits and I grow cold, remembering the last words he spoke to me. Sometimes I just wonder. I wonder about a lot of things, like the fact that it's funny how you begin to notice things as time goes on that you never noticed before. After I finally mustered the courage to talk to the boy on the floor that day, everything changed. I barely remember the old me anymore, sometimes I see glimpses of her in my words, in my reflection but then like a visiting ghost, she just disappears.

When I saw him that first Tuesday, I remember suddenly snapping out of my trance-like state of horror as soon as his eyes started to focus. I knew right then that it was now or never, I grabbed his hand, tightening my grip instinctively as I felt a sudden spark course through my body, it felt like I'd been given a shot of electricity. I shook my head and tried to focus on the boy in front of me. Then with all the strength I could muster, I pulled him up, thankfully my normally uncoordinated limbs decided to cooperate, and he ended up leaning his frame wearily onto my shoulder. Once he was on his feet I could sense him trying to disentangle himself from my grip but I just held on tighter. I don't know why but I really didn't want him to just go, for some inexplicable reason I needed to know that he was going to be okay, not just physically either. The dead look that was in his eyes earlier was still haunting me, and so I put his arm around my shoulder whilst simultaneously going to grab his waist. I shuffled slowly back out to the parking lot, praying silently that no one would come looking for me, for him. I was suddenly immensely relieved that I was 'Miss invisible'. It'll only be the teachers to worry about and Mr Banner would want to wait until everyone's paired off before he worried about any missing students, but what if whoever did this to him saw us? What am I doing? With this in mind, I snuck a side glance to him and saw that he had closed his eyes; his face contorted in what could only be a reaction to the pain, but for me it served as a reminder that I had to try. I continued to look at the boy beside me curiously, he was taller than I had expected, just a little taller than Charlie and he clearly was no stranger to sports. He wasn't bulky though, he was... he was nice. Nice? We made our way across the parking lot slowly, I found myself staring back intently towards the ground. He was beginning to loosen his grip and was leaning more and more heavily against me, I was willing my feet to continue to cooperate. Now was not the time for clumsy Bella to make an appearance. Before I even knew what I was doing I found myself in front of my truck, I groaned at the realization that I was going to have to take him home with me. I knew instinctively that he wouldn't want to go to the hospital, I don't know why I knew, but I did. As this was going through my head I turned to him, and came face to face with his green eyes, I nearly forgot how to breathe. There was a depth in them that I had never noticed before and then in a blink, they were gone.

He looked down quickly, and I stuttered quietly "d-do you think you'll be okay t-to get in the…" I took a frustrated breath and then finished what I had been trying to say "…car? It's just I don't think I'll be able to lift you in there?" I looked down with what I can only imagine was a face the color of beetroot, but unable to bear his silence for long, I looked up and as I did I found his startling green eyes were boring into my own brown ones. He simply nodded. Once more he began to slowly disentangle himself from me and this time I let him. As soon as he got into the passenger seat, I closed the door, took a deep breath and whilst I was looking through my bag for my keys, I made my way to the other side. I went to straighten up my clothes but quickly stopped myself, he was visibly injured and distressed and yet here I was being vain. I wiped my now blood-stained hands on my hoody. This is ridiculous. I swiftly opened the door and fumbled around with my keys until the truck roared to life. For some reason now that we were in the car, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didn't even know his name. Again I asked myself what I was doing, I didn't know the first thing about this guy and yet I was now skipping class to help him. The drive home was quiet, only punctuated by his heavy breaths and the roar of the engine, he seemed to be sleeping and I left him to rest while I was assaulted by my own thoughts. Before I knew it, we were back at Charlie's; I turned towards him, intending to wake him up, only to find him already looking at me. I smiled hesitantly and turned back to unlock my seat-belt quickly. Before I went to open the door, I heard his voice for the first time. It had a soft-velvety quality to it; again I seemed to forget how to breathe, I gulped audibly, what was wrong with me! He whispered a soft "thank you," I didn't really know how to respond, I didn't really trust my voice at that moment, so I responded with a slight nod. I quickly opened the door, took a big shaky breath and then made my way round to the passenger's side. I opened his door and without looking at him, went to help him out. I let us into the house, and dropped my bag on the kitchen counter; I slowly helped him onto one of the chairs. He couldn't seem to look at me, but as he turned to face the opposite direction. I took the opportunity to appraise his injuries. I found that in the harsh light of the kitchen, they stood out brazenly against the pale pallor of his skin. I was in way over my head, I'd done first aid before but playing with a dummy is completely different to the real thing. I realized with dismay that the cupboard that hoarded the glasses happened to be behind his head. Brilliant, I sighed before reaching awkwardly past him, my body brushed softly against his, the shock I had felt earlier coursed through my body once more. Was that normal? It can't be? I was clearly going crazy, I shook my head distractedly and grabbed a glass, avoiding his eyes. Hydration seemed like a good place to start. Once I had got him a drink, I said "Urmm, I'm just going to go get the urm… the first aid kit," my quiet voice echoed loudly in the quiet kitchen. He turned back to face the other direction, and then replied just as quietly, "Okay," there was a slight pause in which he turned to face me, his eyes lifted up hesitantly and just as he had earlier, he said "thank you". I smiled in return, and then moved briskly from the suddenly very warm kitchen.

When I returned, I started to gently clean up his cuts, and as I did I saw the first sign of bruises beginning to form. Some of the cuts were a lot deeper than I had anticipated but I hoped that the bandages I had put on them would do for now. All of this was done in silence, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. The silence wasn't awkward, although it really should have been. It felt almost comfortable, it's funny because I'd never really felt this way with anyone before. Not even my own father, the fact that I call him Charlie attests to that, but with this stranger, who looked like the kind of guy who would make a girl like mine's life hell. I was finally feeling comfortable. I should have known right then, that he was different. After a few moments of more silence, I decided we might as well get to know each other despite the odd circumstances. I was cleaning the cut on the side of his head; his eyes were still politely averted from mine. I cleared my throat audibly and introduced myself, "I figure we may as well, urm, you know… introduce ourselves?" It came out as a question, but I guessed it would have to do. His eyes were now looking directly into my own; I took that as a cue to continue, "I'm Bella, Bella Swan, I…" I trailed off awkwardly. Okay, maybe the silence was a better idea; I suddenly didn't feel as comfortable. It wasn't a bad uncomfortable though, it was just- different. Before I could start to over think things, he responded and the sound of his voice distracted me from my rambling thoughts. "Hi," a slight smile playing on his lips despite the sadness that still hovered in his eyes. "I'm Edward, Edward Cullen, I… too," he chuckled softly. I breathed a sigh of relief, so he was teasing me, that means a) he was feeling slightly better, or I don't know, the lack of blood was having an effect, or b)… No I'm fresh out of ideas. Either way, I took it as encouragement to continue so I laughed with him, and responded with a quick "fancy meeting you here," however as soon as I said that, his eyes seemed to lose the spark that had started to grow bolder the longer we were together. I clearly had said something very wrong, I panicked and quickly added "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this, are you… urm are you feeling any better?" Well done, Bella. He went back to nodding; his eyes were back to being averted to the cupboard in the corner. We fell into our silence once more.

After I'd done all I could with his injuries, I started to put the kit away, I looked down at myself and groaned. I looked like a mess, the blood had now started to dry on my hands and my clothes. I smelt putrid. I swiftly went to remove my hoody, I say swiftly, in reality I managed to get it stuck around my head, and had to wriggle around a bit in order to get it off but never mind. With the hoody now safely out of the way, I smoothed down my hair in what I hoped was a relatively cool manner, muttered something about "just going to get rid of these a minute," and left hi-, sorry left _Edward_ in my kitchen. I left my clothes to wash in the laundry room, and made my way back to the kitchen with an old sweater of Charlie's for Edward hung casually on my arm. I was humming to a Ben Howard song while turning the corner, and as I went to smile at Edward, I stopped abruptly. There was no one there. I called out in confusion, "Edward? Edward?" No response. I walked curiously to the front door and I looked down to find a note on the floor, it simply read:

'_Thanks again for the help, I really do appreciate it. I just can't stay. I'm sorry._

_-Edward.'_

I had no idea what to make of that, my forehead creased with confusion. Was it because of what I said, surely that can't be it? I walked back to the kitchen silently berating myself for clearly messing everything u- messing what up exactly? I helped him, I missed class for him, and yet he just leaves without even giving me an explanation. I don't know why but I felt a sudden stab of hurt flow through me, I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help but question whether I was really that awful to hang around with? I let out a frustrated groan, and after grabbing my bag viciously from the counter I walked back out of the door and straight to my truck. I drove back to Forks High School with a mind full of questions; the hurt I felt earlier had started to ebb and was soon overshadowed by a ferocious anger. Who the hell does he think he is, sure, he's _sorry. _ If I get in trouble for this, I'll kill him. I entered the school parking lot for the second time that morning. Still fuming, I jumped out of the truck, and slammed the door while muttering quietly to myself. My anger gradually deflated as I got closer and closer to Mr Banner's classroom; I looked down at my watch and was shocked but relieved to see that I'd only missed the first half an hour. I pushed the door open, and sent up an inaudible prayer asking for a way out of this mess. I'd never missed a class in my life. This wasn't me, the anger I had felt earlier crashed straight back into me, and I looked down to see that my hands were shaking. I sighed, and looked up to see the whole class looking straight at me; I ignored their curious eyes and stumbled up to Mr Banner, I mumbled through an explanation, blaming my being late on a fake illness. Now, I'm a liar too, cheers Edward. Thankfully, after asking if I was sure I felt better, he just gave me a warning and told me to take a seat. Edward will no longer have to endure my wrath, that's if I ever saw him again. The rest of the morning was just as uneventful as ever, and as I sat down next to Angela at lunch, I almost felt as if whatever had happened that morning was just a dream, almost. Angela and I didn't say much, we never do, we're suited that way; we both feel comfortable sitting in silence. I'm lucky to have her as a friend, I know that.

As we sat and ate, well she ate and I picked at my food scornfully, there was a sudden stir in the cafeteria. It caused us both to look up and we found that everyone seemed to be staring at the entrance. I was about to turn back to Angela and ask if I was missing something. That's when I saw them. They entered in pairs; the first two to walk through was a boy, a man? A boy-man who resembled a bear in stature; he had dark, curly hair and had a foreboding look about him. Well he did until, as he turned to smile at the girl beside him, his dimples shone through. I couldn't help but want to smile at the sight of him after that, he just looked so… innocent. The girl stood next to him rolled her beautifully framed eyes at him playfully; she was what could only be described as absolutely beautiful. She could easily put all the girls here to shame, in fact she would put any girl to shame, there's no doubt about that. Of course, she just happened to be blonde too, how very cliché. The next pair to come through were almost the complete opposite to the first, the guy was tall and lean with honey blond hair that was styled casually, he had his arm around the tiniest girl I'd seen in the school, she seemed to make up for it in exuberance though as she grabbed his hand playfully and did a little twirl; seemingly oblivious to all the people now openly staring unabashedly at her. She laughed loudly, breaking the silence that now hung around the cafeteria. I looked behind her and there stood Edward, he still had the bandages I put on him earlier, but in spite of them, he looked stunning. The hushed cafeteria suddenly buzzed with noise, I wasn't the only one thinking that, that was obvious. He stood with his head down, a beautiful scowl on his face and headphones in, and at the sight of him my heart started pounding erratically in my chest. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed my reaction, but all eyes were still glued to the new group of students.

That was the first time I met… I met Edward. _This_ is the first time though, that I've let his name cross my mind in 5 months, well in 5 months and 6 days, okay that's a lie. 5 months and 2 days, I spent 4 days being the masochistic person that I clearly am. Now, every time he threatens to overcome my thoughts, I remember what he said to me when he left and I suddenly just stop. That's just about the only good thing that came out of him leaving like he did, it's easy to hate him. Though, they say love and hate intertwine so very easily. Perfect; I shouldn't be thinking about this, it's just going to make it harder tonight. My stomach seems to agree, and so I'm just going to do it a favor and finally go call for that Pizza-

Pepperoni pizza, mmm that's what I call food. I have literally just settled in the sitting room and I'm finally ready to relax when the stupid phone has to start ringing, the new One Tree Hill episode will just have to wait. It's Charlie, obviously making sure I was still at home. This is beginning to get really old. It's been months, why can't people just leave me to cope on my own! They wonder why I have the nightmares and the anxiety when they constantly remind me that there's something wrong in the first place. You just can't win, can you?

**A/N I will be revealing some answers next chapter, nothing huge but enough to help you guys understand more. Present day will only last one paragraph in the beginning of the chapter and will most likely be in the form of a nightmare, and the rest will be memories, some good, some not so good. This will continue on until the 4****th**** chapter at least. There's a lot I want to get down and that seems the most effective way to do that. See you guys next time. –G.**


	3. Carry Me

_**A/N: I haven't said already but none of the characters are mine, I own nothing. Here goes, I have no beta so any grammar mistakes are my own.**_

_**Chapter 3: Carry Me**_

"_How did you know where I'd be? How… how did you find me? When the road was blinded, how? Carry me, so I can be." –Justine Bennett_

He lifted his hand to mine while he smiled his beautiful crooked smile that made my legs go weak, and just as we went to kiss, like we'd done a hundred times before, he stopped. I looked up in confusion and found that his smile had gone, there was a hardness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. It was worse than it had ever been. I felt my body go cold, he smiled again, and this time his smile was nothing like the smile I'd grown to love, it was cold, it was angry and, worst of all, it didn't carry an ounce of the love I'd seen there just seconds before. It was all gone. I spluttered, and I felt myself start to shake uncontrollably in his now vice-like grasp on my arm. No, no, no. I couldn't breathe, I can't breathe… I can hear my name, the grip has got tighter, I can't see, my heart is pounding out of my chest, I'm suffocating. I start to call out for him, the one I love so much that it takes my breath away, to come back. I hear a voice, so I call out his name again, "Ed…" I splutter in between my sobs, "Edward, I'm sorry… Please don't leave me. You love me…" another sob wracks my body, and with shaking hands I reach forward at the sound of my name. As the arms encircle around me I stop, and it all comes crashing down on me. Charlie's back... Edward's gone. As this horrifying realization hits me, I lapse into Charlie's arms and continue to sob, until there are no more tears left to cry.

One of my favorite moments in my life is the day that Edward kissed me for the first time. I remember it with such clarity, such love, that even now, nearly a year later it makes my heart stop. We had gone out for a walk, away from the prying eyes and away from all the constant drama that seemed to follow Edward and now me around. Edward had led the way and we had just joked and laughed with each other the whole time we were walking; completely at ease in the other's presence. It hadn't been easy to get to this point, but it was clear to see that at that moment, I was happy. I really was. I know it sounds cliché but he could have taken me anywhere and I would have been just as happy. Not in that way, you pervs. I remember he'd told me that morning that he was going to try and let me in, his eyes imploring me to believe him. However, he then looked at me with his signature smirk and said "so get your shoes on, and _come with me_", I didn't miss the sparkle of amusement in his eyes at his oh-so-subtle double entendre. I rolled my eyes and pushed him playfully, which he responded to with a small chuckle. That's Edward for you, whenever he ever said something serious and swoon-worthy he always had to follow it with some lame dirty joke. I understood though, he didn't want to be vulnerable. I got that. I still get that. It's funny because I used to secretly find it endearing. Anyway, we had only been seeing each other, if you could call it that, for 2 weeks and we had yet to do anything and honestly I hadn't really planned to, we were both still pretty young and I don't know I'd always thought it should really mean something. Despite this, Edward couldn't seem to help himself, let's just say my mind may have been in the gutter at that point but Edward, oh Edward's was in the goddamn sewer.

While we were walking, we spoke about a lot of things, but never anything too personal, we were both still tentatively trying to work through how we felt for each other. There was plenty of time for that when we finally got to this 'top secret' location of his anyway, but for the moment none of us were brave enough to address the elephant in the room. Wait, does that saying still apply if technically that room was an outdoor path? Anyway, I had started to storm ahead in a faux-strop as I'd just managed to trip over a root on the stupid ground, nice one Bella, nice one. Obviously Edward found that hilarious, the smug bastard and his freakily graceful way of walking. It was sickening, really. So, as I was saying, I was storming ahead, in the vain attempt that it would hide my growing embarrassment, when the first drop came and landed on my nose. God, seriously, right now, seriously! I sighed, turning around to face Edward sheepishly, and let him know that we better head back; we were due a storm by the looks of the darkening clouds. I'd hoped we'd have made it back to his in time. He pouted and said quietly, "I really want you to see this, Bella, I know it's not the ideal moment right now, and I know we've got things we need to work out when we get back, but I want you to see this, I need you to see this," he ran his hand through his hair, which I'd picked up he did when he was frustrated, "I guess I just wanted you to… understand me". He only mumbled the last bit but the look in his eyes told me I'd heard him correctly. He looked so unexpectedly vulnerable, and once again my heart ached for the boy in front of me. Almost on cue, the thunder started to rumble from up above us, and I squealed as the onslaught of rain I had been dreading fell down in earnest, breaking the spell cast from his last words. He shook his head and laughed at me, his now wet hair flopping down into his eyes. Before I could think he had grabbed me swiftly by the hand, and started to run. I started to laugh as I ran alongside him, I couldn't help it, and we went on for a little while longer, both in stiches and soaked to the bone. Then all of a sudden, he stopped abruptly and pulling his hand from mine and placing it on my cheek, he said "we're here". My goofy smile was replaced with an expression of awe as I looked around me, we were standing in the most beautiful meadow and even with the rain, it exuded serenity. I turned back to see Edward looking at me intently. I smiled automatically and said just loud enough for him to hear over the rain, "it's beautiful, Edward, really," he responded by smiling shyly, and ducking his head down to my ear he whispered "yes, you are". I turned my head to look into his eyes when my breath hitched. We were so close to each other, I could feel his breath against my skin, I closed my eyes for a second and as I looked up again, the exquisite green eyes that I will never get tired of looking into, looked into my own, with an expression so stunning, I found myself powerless to move. His lips moved hesitantly to my own, then with my heart hammering in my chest, I reached up and met his lips with mine.

After the nightmare this morning, memories I never even realized I had repressed came flooding back with a vengeance. I went through school today in a daze, not even the whispers, the taunts or the rumors mattered to me anymore. I haven't had a nightmare in a week or two and naively I'd hoped that they'd stopped. The old nightmares never included the old Edward though, the Edward I loved, so this one caught me off guard. I've just got off the phone with Renee and she seems to think it's because of writing to you guys, which is more than a little ironic since this was all her idea, but regardless she seems to think it's my mind's way of healing, that I have to let myself feel it all again in order to move forward. Trust Renee to sprout something like that, I mean I love my mother, I do, but she can be a more than a little whimsical at times. Yesterday, I had begun to tell you about the day I met Edward so I'll continue where I left off…

Edward had walked into the cafeteria looking worse for wear but yet he still managed to get me flustered. It was going to have to stop, I did my bit. It's time for things to go back to how they were before. I looked back down to my food, attempting to look otherwise nonchalant despite my continuing rapid heartbeat. That's when I realized that Angela had been talking to me, I looked up to her quizzical expression and shook my head distractedly saying "sorry, what?" She continued to look at me with a question in her eyes before laughing quietly and saying "they're something, right? I think things have finally started to get interesting in this place". I laughed with a weird frenzied energy when she said that, I don't know what was going on with me. I was the type of girl that went through life on the sidelines; I had my music, books and cooking to keep me from going crazy, nothing else really even occurred to me. That was what my life was, and I was happy, at least I thought I was. I liked my own company, and for as long as I can remember I think I always have done. Charlie and I are similar in that way I suppose. Now, though after just one measly morning's events, I found myself secretly hoping fervently for more. I was beginning to unravel and the world that I was secure in seemed to be shifting, and I'm not going to pretend that didn't scare me to death. I didn't know what to do and I certainly couldn't rationalize the reactions this boy was eliciting in me. I just… I had to know him. With his guarded eyes, his messy copper hair, his quiet smile, his… mystery, Edward had me fascinated. The rest of lunch passed slowly, I couldn't help the searching looks I was giving Edward and his friends, family, or whatever they were and I couldn't help but be a little irked that none of those looks were being reciprocated.

The next day, I decided to start over, and as I put a black zip-up hoody on that morning, I smiled with resolve, today was a new day. I even managed to catch Charlie before he left for work, and wished him a good day with a smile. No matter what happens today, Miss forever Invisible was going to smile regardless. I hummed tunelessly while I ambled to the car and made my way to Forks High School. Despite the fact that the clouds showed every sign of bringing a downpour later on in the day, at that moment in time it was dry, so not bothering to put my hood up, I gathered my bag and phone from the passenger seat and left for class. Thankfully there were no sobs to distract or worry me today; I thanked the heavens for that. I had English lit first period and we were going over Wuthering Heights which I'd already read several times before and loved. I walked in and headed straight towards my desk in the corner as I'd done all year. Sat there with his iPod plugged in again was Edward Cullen, of all the places to perch his ass he decides to take my desk. Perfect. I shook my head with growing irritation and sat down, but as I did Edward looked up to me with a look of surprise overcoming his features followed smoothly by a small smile before he looked back down to the desk. I was in the middle of taking out my copy of Wuthering Heights from my bag when I realized that I was smiling too.

I turned to chapter 9, one of my favorite chapters in the book and although I had only meant to open it up for class, I ended up re-reading it anyway. I couldn't help but get whisked away by the words on the page; I almost forgot where I was. As I was reading I came across one of my favorite lines, it read 'he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning or frost from fire'. I continued to read, my heart aching with the words I was reading, until I felt a slight nudge on my knee followed by the slowly familiar jolt in my stomach. I looked up abruptly, blinking twice to remember where I was and when I looked around me I immediately felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Apparently Miss Walker had asked me a question, I groaned quietly and had begun to stutter an awkward apology when Edward slipped a piece of paper in front of me, I read it quickly and realized that it was the answer to the question I hadn't heard. I read out the words he'd scrawled down in front of me hesitantly, praying that he happened to know what he was talking about. Mind you, I scolded myself mentally; at least he was paying attention. Miss Walker smiled condescendingly at me but seemed appeased for now so she went back to whatever it was she was saying in the first place. I turned to Edward, and wrote a quick note saying thank you, and slid it discreetly back towards him subconsciously biting my lip. He took it from me and scribbled a note of his own saying 'It was the least I could do considering. Although you may want to pay attention next time, bookworm', I looked up to find a small bemused smile playing on his lips so I leaned in quickly and whispered "whatever, nerd". The rest of the lesson passed in a similar fashion, Edward and I joked about Miss Walker next and I nearly burst out in hysterics when Edward passed the sheet of paper back with a detailed drawing of Miss Walker sitting at home with a load of cats around her, Susan Boyle style. The drawing was uncanny.

At the end of the lesson I bent down to grab my bag and when I turned around to say something to Edward, I found he had already left, bewildered I looked towards the door just in time to see the end of his jacket before he was gone. He never seemed to stick around for long. I sighed quietly before heading out after him; before I made it to the door I was stopped by Mike Newton. I swear that boy never took a hint; it's funny because we used to be friends when he was with Jessica but ever since they broke up he's been constantly pestering me to hang out. Don't get me wrong that's fine and all but I don't like the way he's been looking at me it just makes me uncomfortable. My instincts have always been pretty good to me and as egotistical as it sounds I think he wants more than he's been willing to admit, and I'm just not that girl. "Hey Bella, good week so far?", "Hey, uhh yeah it's been okay thanks," I smiled weakly. "So…" he shifted awkwardly from side to side, I took a look at him curiously, he had never looked this uneasy before, before I could ask he continued, "Urm the new guys, you know them huh?" what on earth? "Uhh, no, not really. I mean I guess I kind of know Edward a little bit… I mean, I don't know the rest of them… Why? What've you heard?" I wasn't normally one to join in with the constant gossip in this place but for some reason I wanted to know what they were all saying about Edward and the rest of the people who came with him. I just did. It was that moment that Jessica decided to sidle up, she'd been off with me for a while now, I quite honestly have no idea what the hell it is I was supposed to have done but there we go. She giggled in a nauseously fake way and said "apparently they're like all dating each other, which you know, is like totally weird considering they…" she lowered her voice conspicuously causing me to have to fight the urge to roll my eyes at her, "_live _together. The moody hot guy, Edward, got in trouble in their last place and so they all had to move here to like hide or something." At the sound of her mentioning Edward my stomach flipped, and my heart-rate started to pick up, urgh what was wrong with me? What did she mean trouble, is that why he was acting so odd, is that why I found him the way I did? I felt a feeling of unease settle over me; I tried to shake it off while coming up with a quick excuse to get the hell out of here.

The next class dragged on without any real consequence but as the bell rang for lunch I had the urge to stall, it wasn't until I made my way slowly to the door that I realized it was because of the cafeteria. I just didn't want to have to deal with anything right now, something about Edward was eating away at me and I couldn't seem to shake off the feeling that something was off. Instead of turning right to join Angela in the canteen, I took a detour and made my way to a spot I loved but hadn't visited in a while. I'll apologise to Angela later, hopefully she'll understand… I pushed open the door and smiled for the first time since I'd spoken to Edward this morning, in front of me was my old hiding spot, next to the old school piano leaned a small acoustic guitar. I picked it up smoothly and once I'd sat down with my back against the wall, I began to play. Slowly at first but then the thoughts, doubts and worries that had been plaguing me for a while expressed themselves with every chord, with every note. I just played, and played, my eyes closed, forgetting the world for a moment. I thought of nothing but the music and the sound that filled the room, and just as I was about to put the playing to an end, I got the odd sense that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes slowly to see a girl in front of me, not just any girl; it was the new girl, the tiny one from the cafeteria the day before. I just stared at her, wondering why she was here, and that's when she smiled at me brightly and said "I'm Alice".


	4. Written Deep

_**Chapter 4: Written deep**_

'_She will raise the windows high; let the wind come streaming in. Although the wind will burn her eyes, she will learn to breathe again.' –Peter Bradley Adams._

The emotions from the music still playing in my mind, I smiled back gently and said in a quiet voice, "I'm Bella". Alice laughed like she did the day before in the canteen, the kind of laugh that you can't help but smile when you hear, and replied "I know who you are," I could feel my eyes widen, why on Earth would someone like her know who I am? As if sensing my shock she shook her head and said almost sadly "I can tell you don't see yourself very clearly, but you seem like one of the few genuine people in this school, and I," she faltered slightly but then continued "I heard you playing and couldn't help but stop and listen". She smiled again, and quickly moved to sit next to me saying "you play beautifully by the way, really, you do. In fact, it reminds me of someone.." her expression made me wonder who, but before I could ask her she continued, "where did you learn to play like that?"

Just like that, I was back there, I was back with Renee and I was 5 years old, she was with a guy called Kyle at the time, and he had been a musician, he left his guitar around our house sometimes, and Renee would use it to try and cheer me up whenever I would have a tantrum. We had just got back from Ballet and I was crying, I can't remember why now, but I remember her picking up the guitar and playing it to me loudly and… badly… but after a little while, I remember smiling at her through my tears and when she started to sing, I started to laugh. She started laughing alongside me, and not her normal contrived laugh, no, this was one of the sweetest sounds I remember hearing as a child. I guess because at the time they were very rare, it was one of the best memories I have. I know that sounds weird but it is, and as I grew older and I reached 11 years old, Renee started to struggle a bit, okay she started to struggle a lot. I'd find her just sat on the floor in her room some days, silent, lost inside her head; this was before Phil came along and before she found her laugh again. It was at that moment, when I grew fed up of watching my mom destroy herself, I decided to learn to play the guitar, I wanted to see her smile, in fact I needed to see her smile, really smile. So I remember saving a little from the money Renee gave me for the grocery trips I used to do every week, and on my 12th birthday I went with Angela and her mom to buy myself a guitar. I played and played until one day it became less about Renee and more about me, that's when I learned how much music can inspire and how much music can heal.

I looked at Alice and spoke quietly, "I learned the guitar for Ren- for my mom. I used to play a lot when I was younger and it somehow became something that I genuinely loved doing. It became my way of expressing myself, you know?" She put her hand on mine and said, "yeah, I know".

That was it. We were silent for a little while and then she added "you know, I think we could be great friends", I turned my head to look at her and found her smiling brightly, her eyes twinkling. "You think?" she nodded in response; I smiled back saying "I guess we could."

We made tentative plans to meet up over the weekend, and for the first time in a little while, I felt my excitement grow at the prospect of actually having plans. We didn't speak about Edward; I didn't want to ask about him when it really wasn't my place. Before we knew it, the bell rang signifying the end of lunch. When we had both stood up ready to go to our next class we smiled at each other and said our goodbyes before going off in opposite directions, I'd only walked a step or two when I heard Alice call my name, and as I turned around, I was enveloped into a tight hug, she smiled at me and said "bye, Bella". I chuckled and sent her a small wave before walking off to Economics.

That night I picked up my old notebook and started to write, Ellery's song 'It's Alright' was playing in the background and it only seemed to enhance my thought process. I started to write random words down at first, words like green, copper, hurt, mystery, anger, sadness, hope, and as I went on the words became more and more blurred and tangled together. They swirled around in my head until I had to make sense of them all somehow.

The last note from the Ellery song hung in the air and I breathed in its melancholy before switching it off and reaching for my guitar. For the second time that day, I sat with a guitar and I played, I played with the words on the page still swirling around in my brain, I played until my fingers started to ache. When I finally exhausted everything within me, I smiled despite the tears rolling down my cheeks; I think maybe I've never felt this alive. It was then I decided despite everything, I wanted to know Edward, truly know him. I wanted to see him smile without the ghosts warring in his eyes, I wanted to hear his laugh, and I wanted to understand the boy who, for the first time in months, made me pick up my guitar again. So in that moment, I decided to be brave and to explore being someone I've always wanted to be. I wanted to be free of the invisible responsibilities that bound me, I'd lived my life as the mature, dependable but quiet Bella for far too long, it's funny because once people have decided who you are it's like there's this unspoken rule that you can't break that - not without consequences. Sometimes it felt like if I broke out of the Bella everyone expected me to be and I don't know- I danced when I felt like it or I said what's on my mind, whatever.. If I did that, would I feel embarrassed, would I feel like I had betrayed the person I've spent my whole life building up, hiding behind? Regardless, I wanted to try.

I rang Alice up on the basis that if we were going to be 'great friends' we may as well start now. While the phone dialed, I found myself silently wishing that Edward won't pick up the phone, new start aside, I still didn't want to face him just yet. "Hello" a voice I didn't recognize answered and my shoulders sagged with the release of tension I didn't even realize I was holding. "Hi, is Alice there?" "Yeah she is, just give me a second…." I realized she was pausing for my name so I hastened to add "Uh it's Bella", she paused briefly before continuing "oh you must be Charlie's girl," without giving me a chance to reply she continued, "give me a second, Bella sweetheart, I'll just go get her". I smiled reflexively, this wasn't too hard, and before I knew it a breathless Alice was on the line, "Bella!" I laughed at her obvious excitement, "Hey Alice! I was wondering if you maybe wanted to…" "Yes!" "Uh, Alice, you don't know what you're agreeing to yet", her laugh that followed made my smile widen until I started laughing myself, "I know, but Bella I'm about to go insane with boredom. Rose and Emmett are doing, actually I don't even want to think about what they're doing, and Jasper and Edward have gone to some game with Carlisle. I tried hanging out with my mom but then there's only so much you can do with your _mom_, you know?" "Uh..." "So, where are we going, and what are we doing?" I gaped a few times, stunned into silence before breathing out a laugh and proceeding to tell her m- our plans, all the while trying to ignore the flip in my stomach I got by just hearing Edward's name.

We spent the next few hours just hanging in my room and as we sat on my bed talking and joking, I was suddenly overcome with the normalcy of it all. I felt like we really were great friends, just like she had said we could be. After years of only really having a handful of people I could call friends, just knowing that I could get on with someone new this quickly and this well, gave me a fresh bout of hope. Alice sighed suddenly, and as I looked at her she quickly explained "I have to get back now, it's been fun though, truly. Thank you for calling me, Bella". She smiled quickly but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Alice, is everything okay? I mean I know I'm pretty amazing but I'll see you at school tomorrow", I attempted to joke and although she tried to laugh, it ended up just sounding choked. I frowned, and I must have started to look worried because she started to speak, "look, Bella, I love having you as a friend but there are some things I just don't feel comfortable talking about, at least not right now. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow and I'll be okay, I always am". I reached over and hugged her tightly and then nodded before walking her to the door, and as I watched as she drove out I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that house.

Two days after I had called Alice to come over, I was sat in Biology when Edward walked in; his eyes framed a raw pink, and I watched him as he made his way over and sat down at the table in front of me. He sat hunched over the desk with a grimace, and as the class went on, I got more and more fidgety. I started playing with my sleeves and biting my lips and with about 10 minutes until the bell was due to sound, I couldn't take it anymore and scribbled a quick note on my notepad and after tearing it out, threw it on Edward's desk when the teacher's back was turned. I saw his head lift up and look at it but he didn't go to grab it, instead he just put his head back down and continued writing what I can only assume was his assignment. Normally my immediate reaction would be anger but I just felt… defeated.

I began to think the day I found him a mess on the floor wasn't even the tip of the iceberg with what was going on with him. Not for the first time, I found myself more worried than I thought I ever would be for a person I've only encountered a hand full of times. When the bell rang, I gathered my stuff as quick as I could and ran after Edward who had left before I'd even managed to pack everything away. As he made his way around the corner, I shouted his name and when he didn't acknowledge my call, I ran up alongside him until I could get in front of him and block his way.

"Edward, what's going on?" I demanded. He averted his eyes and shrugged in what I assume was meant to come across as a non-committal gesture but only seemed to emphasize that something was really wrong. As little as I knew the boy in front of me, I'd come to know that his first defense is normally humor and that right now, he was anything but okay. "Look, I get that you don't know me and I know that you-" I stopped when I saw his eyes suddenly snap up to meet mine, with an intensity I wasn't expecting, it was then he decided to speak. "No, you know what? You don't know anything about me, so stop acting like you do. Just because you helped me that day doesn't mean we're friends. I said thank you, we joked around a bit in English and that's it. I don't want or need your pity. So, stop sending me notes and stop following me around, okay?" I opened my mouth to retort, with what I don't know, then closed my mouth again as I looked down to my feet. I heard rather than saw his retreating footsteps as my eyes began to swim with unshed tears. Of course. I was an idiot, I blinked away my tears but a few fell loose, so I rubbed my eyes furiously before dejectedly making my way to gym.

Gym was hell. Nothing new there. The other new girl ended up being in my class and despite my naïve hope that she might turn out to be something like Alice, it was clear she wasn't. Her straight blonde hair was up in a ponytail and yet still managed to look somewhat extraordinary and she definitely knew it. The only good thing to come of the torture that is gym class was that Tanya and her cronies had better things to involve themselves in other than my non-existent coordination skills and that was making friends with the new girl. The new girl, who I soon found out's called Rosalie, didn't seem interested in Lauren and Jessica much to their dismay but seemed to click with Tanya. No surprises there, it's like there's an unspoken rule that girls who look like Tanya and Rosalie have to either be friends or bitter rivals, and it seemed like friends won out in this case.

When I finally walked out of gym class and made my way over to the cafeteria, I slowed my steps and belatedly decided to spend yet another lunch time in my piano spot. Angela wasn't around anyway as her mom was in hospital again and she always took the day off when she was. The doctors will be starting her chemo this week. I just hope that it works this time. On that thought, I should probably send her a quick text letting her know that I'll drop by to see her later tonight. As I took my phone out and entered the room that I knew better than any other in this school, I neglected to notice the strange fact that the lights were already turned on.

Once I put my phone down, I heard a soft shuffle coming from the piano bench; I looked up curiously and audibly gasped. There was a boy sat there and upon hearing my gasp he tensed. It was clear to me from his disarray of hair that the boy was Edward. Without thinking of the possible consequences I spoke up; "Edward, what are you doing here?" My voice came out shakier than I had intended but managed to convey my intrigue and shock. He didn't respond, nor did he turn around. I decided to continue, not able to quell my curiosity "How do you know about this place?" "Alice told me," he responded after a pause. Before I could panic too much about what it was Alice had said exactly, he went on, "She said she had heard someone playing in here and that it seemed like a good place to go when…" he cut off suddenly and sighed heavily. "Fuck. It doesn't matter," he finished. I didn't respond and we both lapsed into silence. It wasn't like the comfortable silence we had shared in my kitchen, this time it was charged. With what, I don't know but there was something lingering between us, not tension as such, but more than that, it felt almost expectant. I saw his fingers ghost over the keys but never quite touching and so I hesitantly broke the silence. "Do… Do you play?" He was silent and just when I thought he wouldn't answer, he quietly said "I used to".

We were both quietly lost inside our heads when he spoke again, "Do you?" "Do I what?" I asked confused. He finally turned around and looked at me, his green eyes sad as he chuckled humorlessly, "do you play?" he nodded his head towards the piano. I shook my head. Seeing that, I was graced with a smirk, it may not have been a smile but it was something, and he teased gently "so why are you here, stalking me again?" His words and facial expressions seemed light but his eyes were guarded. I sighed and decided to be honest even though there was a part of me that stung from hearing his not-so subtle reference to his previous rant. I walked over to the side of the piano where the guitar was placed and I sat down. I looked up into his eyes and I explained. "I used to come in here all the time back when I first moved here, just over a year ago now. It was easier than having to deal with the fact that no one bothered talk to me once they had got over me being the new girl". I was met with silence and so I blustered on, for some reason feeling like I needed to fill the silence. "I, uh, I play this though," I said picking up the guitar. Before I could start to feel self-conscious he spoke. "Can I hear you play?" "Maybe one day," I reply with a soft smile. Then, unlike the smirk he had given me earlier, he smiled. This smile was unlike the smiles he had shown me previously, it was a real smile that extended from his mouth to his eyes. All of this only seemed to further his beauty. I felt my heart pick up its pace and my stomach fluttering within me. This boy, oh this boy had me coming undone and he didn't even know it.

Later that day, I was making my way through Forks Community Hospital to see Angela's mom and trying to forget the war that was going on in my mind. When I saw Angela and her mother in the hospital room, I couldn't help but stop and stare. Their strength will never cease to take my breath away. Angela was sat on a chair as close to her mom as physically possible and her mom was lying with her eyes closed, clearly worn out from today's round. I walked in quietly but while still managing to catch Angela's attention. I smiled a small smile before asking her in hushed tones, "How's she doing?" She looked down at her mom and sighed before answering, "She's doing okay, but this round seems to have taken its toll on her." She paused before looking up at me, her eyes shining with tears that have yet to fall. "I thought last time would have been it, you know? She was supposed to be clear," the tears she had held back were now falling down her cheeks, "It was supposed to be over. Bella, I'm scared. This has to work. This will work, right?" My heart actually felt like it was breaking watching the only person who, before Alice, went out of their way to befriend me sat in front of me, breaking down. I walked to her side quickly and placed a hand on her shoulder before saying, "I don't know, Ang, but I hope so. I really hope so". And I did. We were both silent then; lost inside our heads. A few minutes later, we were interrupted from our musings by a doctor coming in to check her vitals. Despite how ridiculously inappropriate it was considering the circumstances I couldn't help but think that he looked very, very hot. I mean seriously, incredibly hot. His hair was blond and pushed back and he was tall and lean, but what struck me the most was the kindness that shone through. He introduced himself as Dr Cullen and then went on to check on Angela's mom, who despite all the commotion was still asleep.

Looking back at that moment now, it's obvious just who he was but embarrassingly I didn't make the connection. It didn't even occur to me that he was Edward and Alice's father, or more accurately their adopted father. I'm getting ahead of myself and I know the details of who he is or I guess was probably don't seem of massive importance to you but they are. Oh more than I would have ever known. I'm not ready to divulge why just yet because I'm still processing what I've learned today but just know that Dr Cullen, or Carlisle as I later found out, was a good man. There was a time when that was in serious dispute but it is clear to me now that he was a good man and the kindness I saw that first day was indeed something that was honest and true. I want to cry but I can't. You know that feeling where your mind seems to be spinning it's moving so fast? I'm infiltrated with thoughts right now and it's driving me insane because all I want to do is go to Edward and see if he's okay but I can't. I shouldn't want to either, that's how messed up all of this shit is. I shouldn't care but I do. I can't deny it, I do.

You must be wondering what the hell could have happened to have changed my official renouncing of Edward; a boy who only a few days ago I couldn't even bring myself to think of. I'll tell you. Today, I came back from school to a foreign car in my drive and so I walked in thinking Charlie must have brought someone round from his ever-increasingly regular trips to La Push and to Sue. I was not expecting to see who I saw sat on my couch.

I walked in with my school bag strewn haphazardly on my shoulder and figuring I should at least be polite, I made my way over to the living room and there, perched awkwardly on the couch, was none other than Esme Cullen. I realize I have yet to introduce her properly, but I'm sure you've managed to deduce that she is Ed- his mother. She's his mother. She's sleeping on the couch, as I tell you this, and I'm sat in my room in the dark trying my hardest not to go down and ask her for more information than I have a right in knowing. It's late and I should be sleeping but like I said earlier, my mind won't turn off. Every breath I'm taking feels forced, every semblance of the fake calm I managed to exude earlier has come crashing down on me.

I miss him.


End file.
